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How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
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Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.
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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
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They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
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Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
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Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into…
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If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
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Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
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Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
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Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
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Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
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Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
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Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
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Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
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Bill Gates thinks he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.
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The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
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Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
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Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb…
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While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
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If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their…
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Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
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Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
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China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
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