akerman383 (@akerman383) • Hey
akerman383 (@akerman383) • Hey
Publications
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
- They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
- What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
- Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes.
- Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
- Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
- Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
- TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
- Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
- There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"