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@akerman383

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Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
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How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
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They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
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Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island…
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Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
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Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
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Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
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What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
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Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the…
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Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris…
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Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes.
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Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
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Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
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Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
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When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
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One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
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Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
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There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
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The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the…
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The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
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Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
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