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Bill Gates thinks he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.
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Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
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Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
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The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
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When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
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Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
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Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
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Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
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There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
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It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
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It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
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Chuck Norris already went to Moon and Mars, that's why there are no signs of life.
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Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
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Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
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Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
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Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.
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Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
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Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.
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Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
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